I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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