He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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