So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
