How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
