It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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