Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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