I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
