i already hear my dad disowning me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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