She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
