she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
