She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
