they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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