God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
