What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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