I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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