I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
