i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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