Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What drink are we having for lunch?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
