You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
