I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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