My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
