I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We just shotgunned beers for America
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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