Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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