The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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