Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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