Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
