I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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