Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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