I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
