this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
