Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
