I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
