i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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