I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
