i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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