i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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