My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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