Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
pray to the hookup gods
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
