He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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