boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
