my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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