Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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