I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
