somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
