I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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