we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
