there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
