I think im going to throw up on grandma
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
