how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
