I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
